distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
