I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
