I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
