Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
