just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
