what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
