so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
