If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
