it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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