I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
