hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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