walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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