I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
