Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
