If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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