i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
