So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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