I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
