Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
