for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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