she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
