Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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