It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
