btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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