The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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