you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
