Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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