I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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