I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
