At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
