this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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