if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I smell stomach acid.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
