if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
