Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
