I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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