I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
