Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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