I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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