another moral hangover. fuck.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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