he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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