Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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