I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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