We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
