WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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