that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
As shirtless as possible
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
