You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
