I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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