May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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