Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
