Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
