true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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