That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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