Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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