so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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