Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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