Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
