I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
