So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
