He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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