Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize