I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Randomize
