are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
