i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize