my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
