Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
