I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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