I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's like heaven, but drunker
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am mentally ready for anal.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
