You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
