Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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