i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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