whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
